Politically Incorrect Canadian A Conservative trapped on the left coast. Illigitimus non carborundum annuit coeptis novus ordo seclorum
Friday, August 31, 2018
Thursday, August 30, 2018
That's LUNCH!
One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets Saint Peter himself. Saint Peter says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Peter, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." Saint Peter stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, Saint Peter is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" Saint Peter says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week later, Saint Peter stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. Saint Peter gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you got here?" The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels are the best!
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
It was Christmas Eve.
A poor old lady was sitting alone except for her cat, in her tiny house, in front of a small fire. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and the old woman’s good fairy appeared in the room.
The old woman was astonished, but the fairy reassured her:
“Don’t be afraid! I am your good fairy. You are very poor, and all alone at Christmas,
so I have come to grant you three wishes, to cheer you up.”
The old woman was about to speak, but the fairy held up her hand.
“Wait!” she said. “Before you make a wish, think carefully!
You will get exactly what you wish for, and no wish can be undone!”
So the old woman sat silently, staring at the fire and thinking.
Eventually, she spoke.
“First,” she said, “I want to be very, very wealthy.”
Poof!
Immediately, the tiny house was packed with pots full of gold coins and sacks of bank-notes. There was more money than anyone could spend in an entire lifetime.
The old woman looked around and smiled.
She thought some more, and spoke again: “Next,” she said,
“I want to be young and beautiful again, like I was when I was 18.”
Poof!
The old woman disappeared. In her place sat a beautiful young woman,
with smooth white skin and long golden hair.
The woman looked at her hands and arms, felt her hair, and smiled.
“Third,” she said to the fairy, “I want you to change my cat into a handsome young prince,
who will love me and take care of me all my life!”
Poof!
The fairy disappeared, and the cat leaped up from his place by the fire
as a handsome young prince.
He reached out to the woman, pulled her to her feet, embraced her, and kissed her passionately. Then he gazed into her eyes and said:
“Hah! I bet you're really sorry now that you had me fixed."
Tuesday, August 28, 2018
Monday, August 27, 2018
Sunday, August 26, 2018
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional...
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions...
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician....
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone....
Saturday, August 25, 2018
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